We decided to take a little trip in celebration of our anniversary up to the mountains. When we arrived at our hotel the first night of our trip, the man at the front desk enthusiastically asked us if we had just gotten married. The conversation went a little like this:
Man: did you guys just get married?!
Me: No, but we are celebrating our first anniversary
Man: you look so happy, like you just got married. You must be doing something right How did you do it? After the first year my wife was about to kill me! How did you do it man? (Talking to John) What’s your secret?
Well, we didn't really have an answer for him, because it's not something we've ever thought about until he asked. The moment that he saw us, we were genuinely happy. I don't think you have to be happy every second of every day to say that you have a "happy" or "successful" marriage. Marriage, just like life, is full of trials and heartache. We have had our fair share of life thrown at us in the last year. Sometimes, it is OK to be unhappy or to experience other "negative" emotions. For without the bitter we could not experience the sweet. However, I think there is a difference between a "happy" marriage and an "unhappy" marriage. Through our experiences we have come to believe that circumstances do not need to determine the quality of one's marriage.
After the conversation with the man at the front desk, we got thinking. We wanted to figure out what things we did to make our marriage effective amiss the trials of life.
Well, we didn't really have an answer for him, because it's not something we've ever thought about until he asked. The moment that he saw us, we were genuinely happy. I don't think you have to be happy every second of every day to say that you have a "happy" or "successful" marriage. Marriage, just like life, is full of trials and heartache. We have had our fair share of life thrown at us in the last year. Sometimes, it is OK to be unhappy or to experience other "negative" emotions. For without the bitter we could not experience the sweet. However, I think there is a difference between a "happy" marriage and an "unhappy" marriage. Through our experiences we have come to believe that circumstances do not need to determine the quality of one's marriage.
After the conversation with the man at the front desk, we got thinking. We wanted to figure out what things we did to make our marriage effective amiss the trials of life.
We came up with 5 things that have helped us make our marriage work. Don't get me wrong, we aren't perfect. We are just average people, trying to make our marriage above average. These are the things that work for us, and we hope they might help you too!
1) Strengthening Our Relationship with God
This is what we have found to be most important to the happiness of our marriage. We have realized that we need to have personal relationships with him in order to keep our marriage strong. Our marriage is not simply a two way relationship between each other. It is like a triangle, with God on top. When we each grow closer to God, we grow closer to each other.
2) Staying Friends
While we were dating and engaged we were best friends! We spent every possible moment together, and when we weren't together we were on the phone or texting each other. We couldn't wait to be married to spend every waking moment with one another. As we have been married, we have drifted away from this a little bit, however we notice that when we focus on our friendship, our relationship comes along with it.
While we were dating and engaged we were best friends! We spent every possible moment together, and when we weren't together we were on the phone or texting each other. We couldn't wait to be married to spend every waking moment with one another. As we have been married, we have drifted away from this a little bit, however we notice that when we focus on our friendship, our relationship comes along with it.
3) Using All the Love Languages
Apparently there are 5 "love languages". They are:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Everyone supposedly has one dominant love language, which I don't doubt is true, however we have found in our marriage that each of these languages need some focus in a marriage! At first we each took the test and tried to cater to one another's dominant love language, but overtime realized that for us they all need pretty equal attention! Everyone is different...but you can usually never go wrong when trying to cater to any of the love languages.
Apparently there are 5 "love languages". They are:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Everyone supposedly has one dominant love language, which I don't doubt is true, however we have found in our marriage that each of these languages need some focus in a marriage! At first we each took the test and tried to cater to one another's dominant love language, but overtime realized that for us they all need pretty equal attention! Everyone is different...but you can usually never go wrong when trying to cater to any of the love languages.
4) Traditions
Traditions are something that every family seems to have, but where do they begin? They have to begin somewhere! We are still working on some of our traditions, creating our own and taking some from our immediate families. Some of the traditions that we have are: going to the Y Ball every year, going on a date once a week, each Sunday we make dinner together, John makes this delicious Mexican breakfast for us on a regular basis, we love to make spaghetti and homemade meatballs...the list goes on! The point is, it is important to us to start traditions of our own, it brings us closer together now and for years to come.
Traditions are something that every family seems to have, but where do they begin? They have to begin somewhere! We are still working on some of our traditions, creating our own and taking some from our immediate families. Some of the traditions that we have are: going to the Y Ball every year, going on a date once a week, each Sunday we make dinner together, John makes this delicious Mexican breakfast for us on a regular basis, we love to make spaghetti and homemade meatballs...the list goes on! The point is, it is important to us to start traditions of our own, it brings us closer together now and for years to come.
As I said earlier, these are just the things that work for us, and I don't claim to "know it all" about marriage. We are not perfect people, and we don't have a perfect marriage. We experience difficult times, however we are able to find joy and love in our marriage despite the circumstances life gives us. At the end of the day, we love each other and we love God; and that's what really matters.
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